Sitting in the back of the bus, my nerves started to kick in. I was a freshman, one of the only two that were on the boys varsity soccer team. We were heading down to Marshwood for a pre-season tournament. The drive was long, which did not play to my advantage considering that I was prone to getting bus sick. My luck seemed to change, though, when the other freshman on the team turned around and looked at me funny.
Confused, I said, “Ben, what’s up?”
He said, “You should text Chelsea.”
Now I feel is a good time for me to tell you about Chelsea. Chelsea is Ben’s sister. She was a senior when I was a freshman and was the equivalent to the queen of the school. She was a soccer star and gorgeous. My friends and I had had the biggest crush on her since the fifth grade. I was in pure shock to hear from her brother that she wanted me to text her. I, baffled, responded with a dumbfounded expression. He laughed but continued to exclaim that his goddess of a sister wanted me to text her. So, after much nervous excitement that I tried the best I could to keep bottled up, I texted her. The thoughts started running through my mind. He was just playing with me. Chelsea doesn’t want me to text her. How could I be so dumb? I mean, she could get anybody she wants in the school, but she wants to talk to me? No. No way. I just made a fool out of myself. My nervous excitement turned into bitterness. Surprisingly, I was able to maintain my emotions. I thought it best to wait to see if Ben had told me the truth or not. A couple minutes later, Chelsea responded. I practically jumped out of my seat in glee. This was a bad decision on my part since the upperclassmen heads started turning in my direction. I tried my best to lie, and somehow succeeded in averting their attention elsewhere.
“Colin, what’s the matter over there buddy?” Jake, a 3-year senior captain, jokingly said to me.
Stammering, trying to think of something smart to say back, I finally answered, “Oh, nothing, I’m just really really happy to be on the bus with you guys,” a grin poking out the sides of my mouth.
“Yeah, yeah, good comeback” was the only response Jake would give me before returning to listening to his music.
Elated to see the text, I couldn’t have opened it any quicker. I felt like a little kid at a candy shop with the owner telling you everything was free. Chelsea and I started with small talk, but soon as the weekend progressed, so did our conversations. Questions we would ask each other soon became much deeper than the usual, “what’s up?” At the time, I happened to be in a relationship with a girl in my grade. My relationship with her was fading, though, and I started talking to her less and less. Soon, I made the decision that I would be done with this burnt out flame. It was time to use all my energy on Chelsea.
Weeks went on, everyday accompanied by day-long conversations with Chels. I began falling so hard. This crush became something more to me. She became the subject of my mind 24/7 with nothing else besides soccer taking her place. Even then, soccer was only two hours out of my day. The day came when she asked me to go over to her house to hangout. This was the tricky part, getting my parents to be okay with me, a 14-year-old, talk to Chelsea, a 17-year-old senior who was soon turning 18. My mother’s immediate response was a strong no. She didn’t want me to have anything to do with this girl. I couldn’t take no as an answer, though. I had already fallen so hard so quick; I needed to see if she and I could turn into something. It isn’t everyday that a guy gets the opportunity to make something happen with the girl of his dreams. I battled my mother for days until she cracked.
“Colin, I am not letting you go out with a girl who is almost four years older than you! Forget about it!” my mom would constantly say.
“Mom, I’m in high-school and I really like her. C’mon, please mom!” would be my usual response.
After much thought, she finally came around, “You know what, fine, you can hang out with her. But, if I hear anything I don’t like I am pulling the plug on this immediately.”
I was jubilant at the fact I would finally be able to hangout with Chelsea. This jubilation quickly turned to nervousness, however, at the thought of being in the same room as her. Frantic the night of the “first date,” I had to pull myself together.
I arrived at her house, sweating as I make my way up to the door. Ben opened the door, a relief coming over me as it prolongs the time before I have to actually talk to Chelsea. We make our way into the living room where Chelsea is sitting on the couch smiling at me. I almost melted right then and there. I smiled back like a goofball. Conversations turned into fits of laughter. We talked about everything from sports to specific incidences in our classes. I still can’t remember the movie that was on while I was there. During the drive home, my dad asked me how it went. I modestly told him it went well, while inside the butterflies were still warming my stomach. That night will always be reserved as a cherished memory.
Chelsea and I ended up building upon our relationship and turning it into a status of boyfriend and girlfriend. Though Chelsea wasn’t my first crush, she was the first crush to make me feel the way I did. When I was with her, nothing else mattered. Her smile allowed me to trust her. She could tell me anything, and I would’ve believed her. Every time she told me how she felt about me there was no quaver in her voice. I knew she meant every word of it. When I looked at her, instant butterflies made me nervous but exuberant at the same time. She was my everything in the short period of time that I was with her. Nothing else meant what she meant to me. When her and I ended our relationship, it took an enormous toll on me because I lost someone important to me. Not only was she the beautiful popular girl of the high school, but she was my dream girl. Chelsea was my biggest crush.
Colin McKay '15